INCEST IN NIGERIA

Incest is a sexual contact between persons who are closely related by blood or association. This usually takes the form of an older family member sexually abusing a child or an adolescent. In Africa, incest has become rampant but with fewer victims who decide to speak up. The percentage of those you see speaking up is way lower than the true statistics. It’s difficult to know how many people are affected by incest because many incest situations never get reported. We hear about such cases; we even know the victims, but majority are not willing to go public.

             In my home county Nigeria, it is common amongst the Rich, the middle class and the Poor in the society (I hear from a grapevine that it has become more rampant among the “RICH”). Victims prefer to stay silent because of the fear of stigmatization and also the shame such embarrassment may bring to the family. Some victims are being told that what is happening to them is normal or happens in every other family. The victim may not know that help is available or who they can talk to. Along the line, some of them get to sense that what they are experiencing is wrong and may be afraid of what will happen if they tell someone. Abusers usually threaten victims in various ways to keep them quiet. Some bribe the victims with what the victim likes to buy to keep them quiet. The victim may care about the abuser and be afraid of what will happen if they tell. They may be afraid that no one will believe them or that the person they confide in will tell the abuser.

            All forms of sexual abuse can have negative long-term effects on the victim. Incest is more damaging because it disrupts a person’s primary support system; the family. It is not only children who experience incest. Adolescents and adults also do. This has a lasting psychological effect on adult victims. When a person is abused by someone outside the family, it is a bitter pill to swallow but it becomes even worse when the abuser is a family member.

            In today’s world, incest had made it very difficult knowing who to trust, especially with our children. Parents have become more sceptical about sending their children to the home of relatives to spend the Holidays (compared to what obtains many years ago while I was growing up). Recovering from an incest attack can be very hard for a victim. Incest can damage a child’s ability to trust, since the people who were supposed to protect and care for them have abused them. Adult survivors of incest sometimes have difficulty developing trusting relationships. It can also be very damaging for a child if a non-abusing parent is aware of the abuse and chooses not to take action to stop it ( like the case of Aziza Kibibi, whose mother watched her father rape her for more than two decades, resulting in five pregnancies). The non-abusing parent may feel that they are dependent on the abuser for shelter or income. The non-abusing parent may feel that allowing the incest to continue is the only way to keep their partner. Unfortunately, many non-abusing parents are aware of the incest and choose not to get their child out of the situation, or worse, to blame their child for what has happened. This makes the long-term effects of incest become worse.

How can incest be reduced?

            Parents should learn to be more responsible and create time for their children. Sex education to children at a very early age is essential. We should try as much as possible to discipline children but also not instil fear in them. Your children should respect and not fear you. If all they feel is fear, they will not open up whenever such incidents happen to them. When a child becomes an adolescent, try to be involved in the teenagers’ life. Find out more about the company your child keeps. If you have to send your children on holidays, before they go, educate them properly on sex education and how they can be cautious in any new environment. Make them understand that NO UNCLE OR AUNTY should touch their sensitive areas or show them theirs for fun.

Most importantly, MAKE YOUR CHILD SEE YOU LIKE A “FRIEND”...

PS: If you are currently experiencing sexual abuse or know someone who has, WE CAN HELP!!!

 Communicate with us: evesworldinternational@gmail.com

-          Edna Wey!